He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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