So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
