i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Randomize
