Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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