I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize