So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
