Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
