Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
