she woke up with a sticky ear
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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