If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
