I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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