Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
