My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
