Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
