well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
