Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
