evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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