i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
its not stalking. its research.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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