I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize