Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
