did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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