what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
