you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
pray to the hookup gods
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
