She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
