Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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