You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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