1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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