Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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