Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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