I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I think i peed on brittanys purse
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
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