Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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