its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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