Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
