We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
