Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
