Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Randomize
