so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
