I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
