I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
