Nicole vs. Life
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
How's work?
Spinning.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize