I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
