Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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