brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
