We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
