plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
