He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize