you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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