I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
