It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
