I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
