Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just want nice things and good sex
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
