You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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