Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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