i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
