You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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