p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
