Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
