I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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