12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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