If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
