alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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