who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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