We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
