the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
