So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
