i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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