I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
