Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
